..

Ok universe, it's me again!

I'm working my ass off, and most days are good days and I'm super grateful....but I need tomorrow to be good. I need it to be great actually...soo, if you could look into all the good karma I've been building up...I know my bad karma outweighs the good...but I could use an extra bit of the good stuff in the next few weeks.

Thanks so much!

-Jayne

spring

Another birthday has come and gone. I'm 26! How fucking gross is that?!
What can I say about this past year. It definitely had it's downs...and in the past few months it seemed like all I ever was was down, and never up. I think it has something to do with the seasons and all the darkness in the winter. Winter depression? Is there such a thing? Anyways..25 was a fairly good year. I'm still single and still at a job I hate most days. But I've taken steps to be better, and overall I'm happy.
I'm really excited for summer. Last summer set the bar pretty high, but I still have high hopes. :)

I don't really have anything on my mind right now that's worth sharing. I've been having so many thoughts about life and being in your twenty's and how it's not nearly as fun as I thought it'd be. Like forreal..being an adult sucks.
But in times of trouble, or doubt, or wonder I can't help but put pen to paper. So, today is my piece. Blahhhhh

hmmm

You know how ppl who have near death experiences say "my whole life flashed before my eyes"? But it's not reallyyy their whole life...it's probably just the important parts. The moments in your life that define you. The ones that had the most impact.
But what about those other moments? The ones that you let pass by. The moments you wished you seized but never did.

Ever think...after you die, you get to look back at those moments? The "what if" moments. Do you think you can get a replay of those moments and see what happens if you chose differently. If you had stayed instead of left? Said what you wanted to say, instead of what you did. If you had taken the one job instead of the other? Just to see..this is what your life could have been.

snowdays

This is the first year where I'm actually excited that my birthday is in the winter since I've now discovered snowboarding.
March 6th, boarding at Frostfire! So excited!

Things are looking up. I'm happy because I've realized I've got good people in my life to help. All I need to do is ask. I dunno why, but I've stopped asking.

It's the day after valentine's day...going on a lunch date.

=)

See ya!

scotomo

I went snow boarding for the first time on saturday. It was sooo fun! I can't wait to go again. But my body aches all over! This is what I get for not being more active. Faith says that for my first time I did surprisingly well and that maybe after alll these years of being lazy I've found my calling! Hahaha

I'm currently waiting at the doctors office. I hate it here. It smells like old people and I'm always so paranoid about germs.

I keep thinking of what I wanna do with my life and how to just be happy, b/c I've been kind of down a little..I keep fantasizing about picking up my life and moving away.

I have a destination in mind..baby steps tho, right??? Gotta crawl before you can walk.

Blahhhh!!

the first two days are always the worst

Kim left for Calgary for work for a few days...it was a BITCH and yet an adventure walking to and from the parkade at the new airport.
But mmmm..Harvey's made up for it!
Parking was $7.75, tho! So I think her friendship fee will be due early this year. LOL

Today (technically it's yesterday) I had the day off, I did laundy-6 loads, including towels, bed sheets, and some of Jam's clothes.
I hung out with my lady friends, gave myself a mani/pedi, I got high and caught up with Janely and someone, and had a discussion about how much it sucks being a grown up with Faith...BUT my big accomplishment is that I cleaned AND rearranged my room! I like it. I feel like my room has good energy. :) maybe that'll mean good dreams and a better sex life! Haha.

Lastly..here's my question: why do people write a blog? Some people write blogs and get PAID! Like...it's there job! Others...????
I imagine I'm an old lady reading allll my pervious blog entries, and journals saying stuff like "wow, jayne! What the hell was your problem!?" Hahaha

turtles, turtles, rah rah rah!

I got in a huge fight with my mother last night

She made me cry

I haven't cried in a while.
I used to cry all the time: movies, Grey's Anatomy, those war child commercials...you name it, and I would well up!

She really made me cry.

I hated it.

curious

I've been experiencing a lot of psychic moments lately.

Or deja vu

Or dreams that don't feel like dreams

Interesting

baby boy you stay on my mind

I have had Beyonce's Baby Boy song stuck in my head for daysss now! I dunno how to get rid of it. I tried dl it and putting it on my phone so I can listen to it all the time til I'm tired of it, but it hasn't happened yet. If anything it's gotten more and more catchey. DAMN YOU, SEAN PAUL!

*sigh...I really really need a new job. I'm so unmotivated. I dunno what to do? Leave this company that's been pretty good to me? Or stick with it and start to really consider moving away from my home. Toronto is such a busy city, with a night life I know I'll appreciate....but Victoria has the best weed in the country. Decisions, decisions.

I cut my hair.
It's fairly short.
I like it :)

It's almost Valentine's day. I can tell b/c everytime I walk through the mall to go to work I see hearts, and candy, and chocolates, and cards that say 'I love you' or stuffed animals that says stupid shit like 'I heart you THIS much'. And it's stupid arms are outstretched as far as they can go with a gay ass heart in the middle.
I normally don't hate on Valentine's day. Usually b/c I've always had someone to share the day with. Whether it be a boyfriend or a friend. One year, Winston and I were each others Valentine. We went for dinner at Royal Fork buffet..it was great! :)
I think I'm hating on it this year b/c I'm really lonely. I miss the perks of having someone. But I still haven't met anyone worth letting them into the crazy world of Jayne, and to be honest I'm too lazy and too caught up in myself and making myself better that I don't even wanna look.

Faith finally told her parents that the wedding is postponed...I was really lookinf forward to her wedding. :( especially Vegas! But, everything happens for a reason and I'm sure when next year rolls around and they do get married it'll all make sense as to why it happend the way it did. Hopefully we'll use the wedding weekend and go away for a bit.

Ok...I'm gonna end off today's rant and mention the only boy who has really made me smile. Brad :). Oh, my high school boyfriend. Brad never fails to make me laugh and smile. I wonder why he doesn't have a gf? Anyways....I'm sooo crushing on him all over again, and I'm in the process of working up the nerve to ask him on a date! I mean, Brad and I have stayed very good friends, and we occassionaly hang out and talk often, however I don't REALLY know anything about him anymore. How come he's not dating? Is he interested in anyone? What made him want to go back to school? I feel like I'm 15 again! Hahaha..anyways, I just wanted to share that. He cheeses me out and it's nice.

Toot-tula fruit!!!!

day 3

I joined Farmville. If you don't know what that is, it's only the BEST thing on facebook since commenting on ppl's statuses!!! I sat infront of the computer for practically 3 hours last night making my farm all pretty and harvesting my crops. It may sound gay but I can't help it. It's addicting.

I'm unsure about this year so far..I'm very skeptical. I'd hate to think that a few days and an uneasy feeling is really going to predict how the rest of my year is going to turn out..it's all on me right? I'm gonna end with my horoscope today cuz it really made me stop and think:

You're not at it again, are you Pisces? Have you been wallowing in dreamy, impractical fantasies that are sure to get you nowhere fast? If you haven't yet learned your lesson from mistakes made in 2009, you need to do some serious soul searching now. You have an opportunity this year to right a lot of wrongs, erase a lot of damaging errors, and basically start over again with a clean slate. But if you go back to your old ways, you're going to meet with the same trials and tribulations all over again. Be smart. It's time to turn your luck around.

--this is totally me! I'm always telling myself I need to snap out of my daydream, or to reel it in, Jayne.

p.s. On a similar note: Faith and I got super baked a few days ago and upon getting high discovered that Faith is pyschic! FORREAL! She can predict the future! LOL...how I love her and her crazy ways!

fading..

I feel like time is moving by so quickly..and yet at an incredibly slow pace.

I'm not young enough to be careless with the decisions I make with my life but I'm not old enough to REALLY start caring.

I'm just at a loss right now. I have so many questions about my life and what to do with my life, and where I'm going to be in the next few years, and where do I even WANT to be. What do I want for myself? Do I want a husband? What kind of career will I have? What kind of career do I want? Should I go back to school? Can I even afford to go back to school? How come I'm not happy?

....

Even my blog has no real direction.
It's just entries and entries of non-sense!