Twilight

Twilight- the soft, diffused light from the sky when the sun is below the horizon, either from daybreak to sunrise or, more commonly, from sunset to nightfall (dictionary.com).

Ever feel like you're forever in this state where you can't quite decide if you should stay hidden in the dark. Even though you know that being in this state of limbo tortures you a little every day. Where you know that the light is coming if you would just let it. But you never really let yourself see past the horizon. You don't want to see what's on the other side, even though you know that the sunlight is a better choice than staying in the dark. But letting go of the dark means leaving a piece of you behind. Do you ever feel like you're not ready to give up the bad things because you feel like you don't deserve a life full of cloudless skies, and happy people?

Maybe the right word for this masochist.